Definition:

Active listening and attending are two skills that come hand-in-hand. Feltham and Dryden (1993, p. 105) define ‘listening’ as ‘attending to what another says’.

While what the client is talking about may be their most obvious output in the counselling room, it is also important to attend to their body language (‘the way in which people’s feelings and thoughts express themselves, often unconsciously, through physical posture and movement’ – ibid., p. 21).

Duration of Attending:

The skill of attending starts from the very first moment you make contact with the client, in person or by telephone, and continues throughout their therapy.

Modalities:

While, since the relational turn, all modalities of counselling and psychotherapy today recognise the importance of the therapeutic relationship, attending is traditionally a key component of the person-centered approach.

Importance of Demonstrating Attending:

It is important that the client feels that the counsellor is attending to them. This supports several of Carl Rogers’ six necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change, helping:

• the two parties to create psychological contact.
• the therapist to experience and communicate an empathic understanding of the client’s internal frame of reference.
• the client to receive the therapist’s empathic understanding and unconditional positive regard.

 

Presence in Attending:

In a paper published in 1986, Rogers described another characteristic in addition to the six necessary and sufficient conditions, which he termed ‘presence’:

When I am at my best…when I am closest to my inner, intuitive self, when I am somehow in touch with the unknown in me, when perhaps I am in a slightly altered state of consciousness in the relationship, then whatever I seem to so seems full of healing. Then simply my presence is releasing and helpful.

 

Tips on Demonstrating Attending:

• Make eye contact

The best way of showing someone you are listening to them is by making eye contact. This shows that you are paying attention and are giving your full attention to them. Try to be as natural as possible when doing this and avoid looking as if you are staring at them. Do be aware that in some cultures, it is seen as disrespectful to look someone in the eye.

• Sit comfortably

The way you sit can give important clues into how much you are attending. Being relaxed and comfortable allows you to focus on your client and not on yourself. Sometimes, leaning forward towards the client indicates how intently you are listening to them.

• Be aware of your body language

Sitting with your arms crossed can be seen as a barrier, as can waving your arms around. Try to sit with a calm and open posture.

• Listen more than you speak

Greek philosopher Epictetus said: ‘We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.’ This is a good listening-to-responding ratio.

• Respond accurately and empathically

Good listening skills should be matched by accurate responding to both the thoughts and feelings that the client expresses in the therapy room. Be as accurate as you can with empathic responses.

• Attend to the client’s physical needs

Make sure that the room is fully accessible for the client, and that it meets their needs (e.g. in temperature, privacy and comfort).

• Be thoughtful of the client’s wishes

Each client will have their own individual needs and wishes; it is good to accommodate these if possible. For example, a therapist might cover up a mirror in the practice room because the client struggles with self-image.

• Pay attention to endings

Make sure that endings are planned for, and offer the appropriate referral or signposting of support if the client requests it.